D-2. Is is time to panic yet?

OK I’M LEGIT FREAKING OUT NOW!!!!!!

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Nobody told me it would be this scary, less than 48 hours prior to departure. What haven’t I thought of??? OH WELL. SO MANY FREAKING THINGS given that I have only booked 2 nights after my arrival. I don’t even know where to start to calm down. I have 2 nights left on this side of the globe but the hell if it makes any difference since I’ve stopped sleeping 2 nights ago. Too close to the unknown to close an eye.

You’d be awake too if you were off balance. Yeah, that’s how I feel right now. Off balance. Which is kind of the whole point of this adventure, isn’t it? I mean, of course I’m in it for the dives, but first and foremost to shake off my habits, and start new. I may end up living the same life, in the same place, doing the same things, but it’ll be because I truly enjoy this, not because I somehow ended up here, and it feels nice enough that I won’t risk losing it on a bet for a better life.

I’m heading out to find out what I truly need in life to be happy. Is it a clearer sky, an unblocked view on a different sunrise every morning, a warm and safe place to sleep at night, a tasty hot meal served on a porcelaine plate? What is it that does the trick? Is it a place? A level of material comfort? A temperature? A feeling? Which one?

If my life is a quest, it’s about time I ask myself: what is it that I’m after? Purpose? Gain? Balance? Challenge? If I had nowhere to be tomorrow, where would I go? If I didn’t have to move forward, would I? Why?

All this needs some figuring out, or at least some long hard thought. Rolling the dice isn’t a bad way to live, if you ask me. I just want to ponder and figure out: what’s a win, and what’s my prize?

I feel like I need to cry, but I’m too excited and too happy to shed any tear. I feel like I need to sleep but my eyes won’t stay closed, because when they do, I get blinded by images of endless beaches, sunny skies, white sand and blue lagoons. Raising expectations, and I can’t have that. If I had no idea what to expect, would I still go?

That’s the question, really, isn’t it? The key to moving forward in life. You can never truly know what to expect when you make a choice. Would you still take that turn if you could see what’s ahead?

Wait, I know what I’ve forgotten: what do the electrical plugs look like in Indonesia? I definitely need a multi-socket for the trip.

And I only have 2 hours and 52 minutes of music on my #IBaliveIcanDive playlist. That’s definitely not enough. Real issue there.

So. All in all, not really time to panic, after all.

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